Reality television shows us a gathering of “friends” who have money and connections plus a lot of drama! It makes for ratings, for good T.V. How about social media, when you see people going back and forth discussing a topic, or displaying juicy gossip about something? Are you the type of person, whether you like to admit it or not, who just thrives off of drama? Or does it seem to follow you where ever you go?
We may have a person in our lives that know we love them, not just by the words we say, but by our actions. Those actions of helping them out and listening when they have an issue seem like acts of kindness, making it hard to say “no”. Boundary setting is key to any relationship. It is also a part of adulting in relationships that we have to encounter. There are some relationships that just drain us. We aren’t able to focus on the things that are valuable to us, because we are busy trying to do and be the person that the other people want us to be. A helper. A yes person. A person who is a “ride or die” for them. But believe it or not, no one has ever died from hearing the word, “No”.
Weighing your options. Even if it isn’t out of the way to listen to this person, or help them, can you go with saying no? Why is it important for you to say yes, or accept?
Another issue with accepting unnecessary drama is not knowing you are doing it! Take inventory of your life and the people who are around you. Someone once told me that all of my friends were dramatic, which meant I was a dramatic person. I was shocked! I asked them to elaborate. They simply told me “Birds of a feather flock together”. I thought about it, frustrated, of course. But it was true. The people who I hung around always had something going on, some major life issue, some juicy story, some behavior that appeared dramatic. This is a indicator, if you need one, of discovering who your “flock” is.
Write down your top friends. Or even people that you really like. What are their key personalities? What do they like to do? What parts of them compliment you? Are there similarities in your personalities?
Now, keeping it real may feel empowering. Who can really mess with someone who can “keep it real” all the time? The truth is more people lie than you can imagine. Some stories that sound so good and gossipy, are fabricated with little white lies. Many people want to appear tough and strong. People also may want sympathy, so a little lie about what you said and what they said, missing parts, may make it seem like you are being victimized. Nobody likes to be messed with. But imagine if you are being charged with the whole truth. You stand to be extremely embarrasses.
Before talking about incidents, have you come up with a solution? Are you telling the story, just to make it seem like you handled it well, or in a way that makes you look like a victim? Analyze why you are able to lie to the person you are talking to in order to explain something.
I know we all know someone who seems to feel like things that are said and done to hurt us. Believe it or not everything is not about you. Past situations may have happened to make us feel as though we need to keep a restlessness, or gain attention in some way. We can underlying create drama this way.
Realize what can happen if you don’t react. Analyze the “if” factors. The “ifs” are the things that drive the unnecessary direction toward self made drama. For example “If I lose my job, If they breakup with me, if they say this, then I’ll say that”
I’ll be creating a part two for this blog, So stay tuned!!
Originally published at https://www.intent2heal.com.